What is the Haps?

Hey dudesters! Sorry I've been MIA, and yes I did just write the word dudesters. I'm cool right? Anyway same blah blah blah about being a grad student and papers, and projects, and my heroin addiction*, and smiling at Liev Schreiber. I was actually able to cobble together a post for you, but I promise I have more forthcoming this week! The semester is winding down and I'm finishing things up which gives me more time to devote to this blog...that 5 people read. I do it all for you.

So a preview of coming events: Reviews for The Fantastic Mr. Fox and The Blindside. I may throw in some DVD picks of the week and maybe, if you're good, a retro movie of the week too. See I'm capable of maintaining a blog of some sort on a nearly regular bi-monthly/annual basis!

-your partial, prejudiced, and ignorant film student

*Mom-I am not actually addicted to heroin.

Why Don't You Ever Wear a Shirt?: New Moon

Directed by Chris "I'm a Hack" Weitz
Starring the Twilight Trinity and some hot shirtless dudes

SYNOPSIS: If you don't know what Twilight is can you tell me what far away tropical island you live at so I can escape there? But seriously, the first one was about some vampires. The second is about some werewolves. Some teen shirtless werewolves.

THE GOOD: Once again the soundtrack delivers. I'm a big fan of Carter Burwell and his soundtrack for Twilight was a nice mix of instrumental with some great indie music thrown in. Amazingly for New Moon they got Alexandre Desplat to do the soundtrack! This amazes me because he has an amazing roster of films. This year alone he's done the soundtracks for The Fantastic Mr. Fox and Coco Avant Chanel. How do they do this?? And then they get bands like Death Cab for Cutie, Muse, Bon Ivor, Thom Yorke, and Ok Go to contribute tracks. And not just tracks, but original tracks. That they wrote. Just for this movie. Honestly, it's mind-boggling.

Also worthy of note is a "montage" with some great transitions and camera work. I probably liked it mostly because of the song choice for the scene.

THE BAD: Oh Lord, where to start? The writing, the acting, the cinematography? It's all just sub-par. Well let's dive right in.

The writing: Everyone knows, at least everyone with a brain knows, that Stephanie Meyer writes like a 12-year-old. Her oddly compelling, must-read staying up for days at a time deal with the devil writing style has snared me in its horrible, obsessive claws. Yes I will admit it on this blog: I am officially obsessed. Anyway, if I were the screenwriter I would try and tone down the obvious, hit-you-over-the-head melodrama and cheesy dialogue. Maybe it's just me, but I would actually try and make a good movie, possibly one that subverts the books themselves cause I'm ironic like that. Instead, Melissa Rosenberg chose to emulate, and even at times make worse, Meyer's original writing. This involves a series of montages that don't tell any story, bad dialogue, and poor scene choices and transitions.

This leads into the acting: Again as a director I would try and actually bring out the latent acting talents of my cast possibly adding more nuanced layers to two-dimensional and unrealistic characters. Chris Weitz, in his infinite wisdom, chose not to go that route. Instead he chose to increase the horrible dialogue by ramping up the awkwardness of each character action, instructing his actors to talk three inches from one anothers' faces, and encouraging them to talk in awkward, stilted phrases. Also have you heard of lavalier mics, Chris? They're these little mics you can hide on your actors so I can actually hear the dialogue over the absurdly loud rain you've got going in some of your scenes, for no reason I can fathom. I don't know maybe the dialogue's important to the film, but what do I know Chris? I'm an ignorant film student and you're a "big-time" director. Besides the dialogue is horrible anyway. Maybe you could just do a cut where all the dialogue is covered by inappropriate rain sounds, the like of which I have never heard in real life. (Whoa...did that get a little bitter there? Sorry dudes, but its just...so easy to fix...even in post...sound mixing...gaaaaah...)

Finally the cinematography: Trick photography is cool, I'm all for 360 degree rotations, upside down transitions, impositions, and dissolves, but preferably not in the same movie. Within five minutes of each other. Don't rely on trick photography to cover up your inability to competently direct a movie. I am not impressed that you can turn a camera around a chair. Hey have you heard of a guy named Joe Wright? You should he's actually a good director. He did this little thing in a movie called Pride & Prejudice where he uses a swing and 360 degree pan to illustrate the seasons passing. It doesn't have cuts and it's an extremely beautiful shot. Oh heyyyy there's a shot in New Moon exactly like that, except I get to look at the back of a chair for about 30 seconds. Wow, stealing a better directors technique, normally I would applaud you. It's a cool transition, but hey if you're going to steal do it right. And don't half-ass your way into a horrible scene transition that is stupid and I hate it. I hate it, ok? I hate it and I hate you Weitz! That's right! You don't get a first name anymore. You ruined The Golden Compass and now you've...ruined...well that's not right, but you've kind of ruined this movie. Really only for me. Silly me, I was actually expecting something. Anything. Cause it was going to be bad anyway. Yo Summit Entertainment, if I email you a script for Breaking Dawn will you read it? Just kidding I have better things to do with my time than write a ground-breaking script for a mediocre, best-selling, fan fiction turned into a novel.

whoa long post, dudes-hope I didn't scare you off.

THE VERDICT: Just don't. Don't go see it. Even ironically, hipsters. I mean I totally saw it unironically, but it was a disappointment even for my low expectations. There's so much potential. I know those people can act-somewhere there's a good movie in there I just know it. You've got to believe. David Slade...you're up!

I give it 1/2 out of 5. That's right 1/2...I'd give it a 0 if it weren't for the soundtrack.*

sidenote: I refuse to call it a saga...a saga is something epic and not about sparkly vampires...oh I could go on and on and on...I told you I'm obsessed, but I'll spare the reader from my ramblings.

Disney's A Christmas Carol 3D

Directed by Robert Zemeckis
"Starring" Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, and Robin Wright Penn

SYNOPSIS: Yet another iteration of Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol. This time Robert "Motion Capture" Zemeckis has tried to bring the classic story to life.

THE GOOD: I will preface this by saying I don't like Robert Zemeckis, at least not anymore. Yes he directed Forrest Gump, but his recent foray into the world of 3D has left me confused and also frightened. Very, very frightened. Basically he uses motion capture technology to digitally animate actual actors and then puts them in 3D. I find this ridiculous. Why not just shoot real actors in a real environment. Not to mention that his visualizations end up looking profoundly creepy resulting in double takes of the "Is it Colin Firth or not?" variety. Beowulf is a prime example of this-he didn't even bother changing their appearance! It's just Angelina Jolie glowing with a tail! And when the lute came out I was just...done. Okay rant over.

This has a lot going against it. Namely that studios have just beaten this tale into the ground. However, Zemeckis does some cool things with his cinematography, stuff that obviously would not be possible in the real world. It is also a decidedly darker version of the tale. If you've ever read the story it's dark. Dickens was a moralist and all of his books have a certain slant. Most of the time it isn't pleasant and certainly not kid-friendly. So Zemeckis has made it dark, but with many funny moments, although I might have been scared if I was a kid. What I liked most was his portrayal of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. It was very well done, although his scene didn't really make any sense to me. I won't spoil it for you, but it was definitely new and really cool looking. The 3D really does add a nice visual component as opposed to some movies who rely only on the novelty to entrance viewers Zemeckis really uses the technology to tell the story and immerse the viewer (run-on sentence I know).

THE BAD: Well the ubiquitous of the story is definitely a negative. Zemeckis doesn't really do anything new with the story, although he adds a great visual element that is definitely new. I don't want to belabor this point, but the people in the movie are not people. There is something decidedly off about them. Maybe it's because he was trying to change existing actor's anatomy, but everyone looks a little weird and I was generally frightened. Especially when they're my favorite actors. I just can't help wondering why Zemeckis wants to use real actors for his facial characteristics. The technology is so good that he could create entirely new people, so why make Gary Oldman look like some sort of mutant hobbit? I just don't know.

Although I liked the faithfulness of the dialogue it just doesn't translate to a modern audience. Using 19th century dialogue while telling a story in 2009 is a hard thing to pull off and Zemeckis doesn't quite succeed. Coupled with the fact that often Jim Carrey is barely intelligible and I could see how audiences might get lost.

THE VERDICT: I'm really torn on this one. I know my being creeped out by the characters is something that maybe only I feel. But I can't help but feel that this just isn't worth seeing. Yes the 3D was cool, but I don't really see any other strong points other than the visuals. And even those visuals CREEPED ME OUT. Did I say this enough? I was creeped out. So I would say wait for it on DVD...maybe...unless you really like 3D....but don't pay extra.......yeah.

I give it 2 out of 5 stars*

Note: I re-read this post and it's riddled with contradictions. Is it scary? Yes sometimes, but it's also funny. Did I like it? I honestly don't know-I'm befuddled by it so take this review as is I guess.

Nightmare Before Christmas

Editing is hard gang! But I have slaved away on my poorly shot iPhone movie and edited down to the part with Nightmare Before Christmas stuff. It has a soundtrack and everything! Credits to Fall Out Boy-I hope I won't have to take this down...I think it counts as Fair Use? Anyway here it is for you viewing pleasure! More videos soon...I have have a whopping ten whole minutes of footage!

Leave That No Account Oogie Boogie Out of This!

The Tim Burton Exhibit at MoMA featuring original content and films by the master himself! Through April 26th, 2010

Well dear readers, I have some content for you at last!! My awesome cousin Hallie got me tickets for the preview of the Tim Burton exhibit at MoMA. It was packed and awesome!!! I went with my friend Brittan and took a lot of video which I will edit and post on the site sometime this weekend. There were models from Corpse Bride and The Nightmare Before Christmas, original sketches, notes to directors and modelers (even one to Johnny Depp about a line in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!). There was a model of Oogie Boogie that glowed in the dark. Original shorts and commercials. Free drinks and more! I highly recommend you go see it if you're in New York. It's open until April of next year!
Also free drinks! And weird breadstick thingies! MoMA will also be showing all of his films over the coming months, which kicked off with Pee-Wee's Big Adventure on Wednesday. A nice guard let us in near the end of the movie even though we didn't have a ticket. We heard he was introducing the film and thought we might catch him, but sadly he must have snuck out...Pee-Wee was as good as I remember it though!
So an Awesome Night followed by an all-nighter to finish a long paper! But fun was had and I don't regret it!! Anyways video forthcoming!

No News is Good News, Right?

Hello readers, all 5 of you! I know I've been MIA this past...well...month, but school is hard. I don't get that many opportunities to see movies anymore. In fact I haven't seen any new movies in weeks. If you don't count me watching the Corpse Bride repeatedly on Netflix. So once the break comes I know I will have reviews for you! Keep obsessively checking my site for new content, it makes me happy to see my numbers go up (Thank You Google Analytics!)!

Blindness

Directed by Fernando Meirelles
Starring Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo and Danny Glover

Sorry no witty title...it was too good! Also got distracted reading the imdb message boards....

SYNOPSIS: Before you read this I highly recommend that you read the book by Pulitzer Prize winning author Jose Saramago of the same name. Basically the plot centers around an outbreak of "blindness" in a small city. In Saramago's book it's a metaphor for human interaction and he probes the depths of what it means to be human in his book.

THE POSITIVE: I don't want to end up talking about the book but it's written almost stream of consciousness without names or punctuation. I was quite surprised when it had been adapted, but didn't go see it because I read critical reviews that panned it. Remind me never to trust critics again. I thought it was beautifully and wonderfully acted by everyone involved. Julianne Moore especially stands out because in the film she is not affected by the outbreak. So of course a lot of the film centers around her and how she copes in a world suddenly without sight. The cinematography was also excellent. Saramago's novel is very visual and the film conveys that through point-of-view shots and steadicam work. There's also a washed out look to most of the film that really works with the tone and subject. Basically I loved it.

I'm going to digress here and talk about my somewhat hypocritcal stance on film adaptations. While I agree a film should stand on its own as a work separate from its literary counterpart that is not to say that it should completely disregard the literary works original style, tone, and substance to achieve that end. This film is a balancing act for me. Since I've read the book I obviously got a lot more out of it than the average user a fact brought home to me when reading the imdb message boards for the film that read WORST FILM EVER. And there's not just one like, there are several. Then upon actually reading what people have to say and discovering that their opinions are completely uninformed and unjustified makes me want to go on a long and extensive rant. Which I am doing right now on this blog since I refuse to post on the message boards. But what was I saying...Oh a balancing act yes. For the average moviegoer this film is not the average movie. It requires a little more understanding to work it out. I'm not in a position to say if without reading the book you could enjoy because I have read the book therefore my opinion on the subject can't really be taken into account, but I do think if you walk into the film with an open mind you can sincerely enjoy it.

Whew! Done that was a long one sorry about that...Also since I like to think of myself as a filmmaker, even though I don't make films. Basically I fantasize about turning movies into books. When I finished this book I had a perfect shot in my head for the ending and guess what? THEY DID IT!! That alone sealed the deal for me liking it.

THE NEGATIVE: There isn't any...it's just so awesome. I guess a negative would be that you have to read a book to fully understand it, but since when is reading a book a bad thing? In fact go read the book right now.

THE VERDICT: Definitely see it! It's on netflix right now!!! With or without having read the book! It's totally awesome!

I give it 5 out of 5*...yes you read that right.