Porkchop Sandwiches: G.I. Joe

Directed by Stephen Sommers
Starring Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Joesph Gordon-Levitt, and Dennis Quaid.

Not the best movie to start out with, but I thought it was pretty decent. I never followed the TV series, so my only knowledge comes from the fake PSA's by Fenslerfilms: (Go watch them they're really funny!). So coming into it knowing nothing I have to say it wasn't that bad.

THE POSITIVE: I thought the story was actually pretty engaging and there were some twists that I did not see coming. The pacing was pretty good and if you completely believe that in the distant future we can don metal suits that accelerate our actions then you can have a pretty good time. I thought the fight scenes were actually very well choreographed, especially one that involved two nine year old kids. If you disconnect your mind this movie is a lot of fun and actually pieces together pretty well, there aren't really any plot holes and the cast is, in general, pretty good. I have to give props to Joesph-Gordon Levitt who did a lot with a small role. I also thought Sienna Miller did well in a pretty two-dimensional part.

THE NEGATIVE: Despite all the action there was a general lack of blood. It seemed that a lot of the actual violence had been toned down especially compared to something like Transformers 2. What also annoyed me is that every character seemed invulnerable. I don't know if this is part of the series, but if your car just got flipped I don't expect you to immediately get up and run up six flights of stairs-which is what happened.
I was most disappointed in Channing Tatum's acting, especially from what I've seen of his other work I expected more than just an unrelenting glare. I suppose he was trying to be the tough guy, but it came off pretty wooden. I won't go into any other actors since none of them had big enough parts to really do anything with-they were all decent.

THE VERDICT: If this is the one summer blockbuster you see then you missed the boat. I would save my money and maybe rent it, maybe depending on the special features. I didn't think it was worth it even for escapist fare like this. Definitely not even close to a fourth of the action as Transformers 2, which also had giant fucking robots!

I give it 2 out of 5 stars.*